My First Sermon

I was blessed over my Christmas Break to preach a sermon at my home church of Gregory United Methodist Church. Because I trust you all to be a community of grace, I'm posting this for you to read and comment on.

Scripture: Matthew 28: 16-20, The Great Commission

First of all, I’d like to just say that I find it very appropriate that I’m doing this for the first “official” time here. As most of you know, I’m a junior Theology & Philosophy major at the University of Sioux Falls who is looking at seminaries in his free time. But it feels really great to be back in my home church with my home church family, who was vital in my spiritual development. When I look at where I was, where I am, and where I’m going, I thank God for you all. Thank you for allowing me to do this here.
Now this past week we celebrated Christmas, God sending His Son Jesus to dwell among us, minister to a hurting world, and die on a cross to save us from our sins. Wow. I would really like to talk to you all about the importance of taking time to stop and reflect upon this. It is so important that we not lose sight of what God did for us when He sent His Son to be our savior. The love that He showed leaves us with no other appropriate response but praise and obedience.

But because this is such a busy time of the year, I would like for us to move on. As we’re nearing the end of our calendar year, I’d like to talk to you today about the end of Jesus’ ministry on earth. After his crucifixion, he spends some more time with the eleven remaining apostles. During this time, the Gospels tell us, He commissions them to go out into all the nations and make disciples of everyone.
Now, it is customary during this week—the week of the New Year to think about what we’d like to make as our “New Year’s Resolution.” Perhaps you’d like to knock off a few of those pounds you put on during the Christmas season, or budget your money better. But I would like to challenge you for a few minutes to think broader about this task that we all find so important. Perhaps we could think about making our New Year’s Resolution in the year 2009 to deepen our faith development and live out this Great Commission that Jesus gave to his disciples and gives to us still today.

Before we begin a phrase-by-phrase discection of the Great Commission, I’d like to talk to you about the people that Jesus spent his time with on earth—the twelve disciples. Sometimes we can look at this passage, identify the audience and say “Well, I’m off the hook because I’m not a disciple.” Well, I’m sorry but it’s just not this easy to write off the Great Commission. Jesus said this to his disciples, true, but it is important to understand who these eleven people were before Jesus called them. They were a bunch of fishermen, and a tax collector, the tax collector from whose Gospel we are reading. In their culture, being a fisherman would be like being a farmer in this area. Very, very common, ordinary folks that were transformed by God’s will in their lives. How are we different from these eleven? We aren’t that different. We are, for the most part, very common people in our communities who are transformed by God’s will in our lives. Also from the time we gave our lives to Christ, we became His disciples to this world. Thus, we are called to live out the Great Commission.

Since we have all been called to live out the Great Commission, let’s take a few minutes and dissect the content of the Commission. Jesus opens up by saying “Go, therefore, into all nations…” One would think that He’s mainly talking about leaving our own country, our own situation and blasting holes in our comfort zone. This is partially true, but partially a misconception. This summer, the youth group that I lead at Southern Hills will be going on its annual mission trip; this year we’re heading to Thunder Bay, Ontario, Canada, after last summer’s trip to Juarez, Mexico. This is a great ministry for our young people to be engaged in for a lot of reasons. One, it allows us to touch a lot of lives to hurting teens in other parts of the world. Two, it allows our youth to see how great we have it and be humbled by God’s provision. It is an excellent thing to leave our own situations and put ourselves into the situations of others’ to know how to reach them. Shane Claiborne, in his book Irresistible Revolution describes his experiences as a missionary in his hometown, Philadelphia. He chose homelessness to learn how to minister to those who were less fortunate.
But this isn’t always the case for us. The Great Commission does not mean that we are to be a nation of Shane Claibornes. Would it be great if we were? Yes, but we all have individual callings. Even in our hometown, there are missions we can be a part of. We can volunteer our time with the food pantries, help others in need during pancake feeds, or even just provide encouragement to those who need it by being a positive light in this world. By a show of hands, how many people know someone without a church home? This is an excellent opportunity to at least start down the road to discipleship.
While God will not usually blow holes into our comfort zone, He will push us out of our boxes slowly. As our comfort zones become bigger and bigger, God can give us a nudge into a direction that we hadn’t planned—like leading a kid that wanted to be a band director to being a minister.

Second, we are called to baptize in the name of the Three-Fold God. I do not want to get into a deep discussion of sacramentology, so I will allow my comments to be brief here. We all believe that through baptism, God’s Holy Spirit washes us clean of our sins, and as we are told earlier in Matthew’s Gospel “Baptism involved repentance, confession of sin, preparation for Christ, a start of a new life that would bear ‘good’ fruit.” This tradition was an essential part of the early church, as we learn from Luke in Acts. It stands an initiation into the universal Church.

Third, we are called to teach others how to be Christians. Does that make you a little uncomfortable? It makes me feel pretty uncomfortable because it forces me to be accountable. It forces us to take it seriously when Jesus says that the Greatest Commandment is to Love the Lord our God with all our strength, heart, mind, and soul and love our neighbor as ourselves. It means that we must analyze ourselves in the light of what it means to truly live out our faith. Christianity is an inherited faith, passed on from one generation of believers to the next. Let’s face the facts—a lot of our practices and beliefs were formed from someone in our past—our parents, a mentor, a teacher. This is not a bad thing. In fact, tradition is one of the ways John Wesley suggests we can know God. Let’s encourage the people of our congregations to each find a Timothy to be Paul for. Encourage the older to mentor the younger.
If this all makes you as uncomfortable as it makes me sometimes, I’d like to offer you the words of hope that Jesus gives to his disciples: I am with you. The promise of Jesus' abiding presence with his disciples "to the end of the age" (v. 20) may serve as the fulfillment of the promise implied in the name given to Jesus at his birth, Emmanuel (Matthew 1:23), God with us. This takes a load of pressure off us. We can all take a deep breath, relax, and let God be God through us.

I recently read a book by Robert Schnase entitled Five Practices of Fruitful Congregations. This book highlighted one element in light of this statement of God’s continual presence with us: risk-taking mission and service. As a result of God being “God With Us,” we should not allow fear to paralyze us as it does. Often one of the reasons we do not do this is because we are afraid of offending someone, of being rejected, or some other self-developed fear. We can afford to be Risk Takers. However, at this point in our history, nearly everyone has heard the gospel of Jesus. Our challenge becomes, then as the Body of Christ, to think about new and exciting ways to present the Gospel, while making sure to stay true to the message of Jesus Christ. Risk-Taking means once we develop something that we think might work, we engage it. If it fails, we go back to the drawing board and not let fear of failure hinder us from pushing forward. For example, last year, Southern Hills Church brought in Pillar, Building 429, Wavorly, and Brooke Barrettsmith. We were hoping on selling a lot of tickets and packing our new gymnasium. This was not the case. We took a risk, we lost, and a few months later, Casting Pearls came to do a concert at our church. Despite past failures, we kept moving forward unapologetically and unashamed of our botched concert.

Finally, I’d like to take another look at one last element of this commission. We are called to make disciples, not just converts. We all tend to think that evangelism is just getting people to recite a prayer in which they admit their sins and ask God to be their Lord. But then what? We are called to plant the seeds, water, and cultivate. This means that we have to make a commitment to people to walk them through those first months or even years as a Christian, supporting them in a community of grace and love.

In light of this coming year, I’d challenge you all to spend a few minutes thinking about how exactly you can live out the Great Commission. This could mean being more invitational as you head to church, or even considering a new path in your life. I was forced to really think about how this verse plays out on my life when I took a new job as an After-School Care provider at Southern Hills Church. I took a job taking care of around eighty-five kids from John Harris Elementary School from a variety of backgrounds, and home situations. How can I live out the Commission to these kids and families, some of which without a church family of their own? I got to thinking about this and said to myself, "Well, I feel more called to the edification of believers, rather than evangelism." I honestly said that to myself. And as I was thinking about this as my job continued and as I connected more and more with these children and their familes and stopped just to say, "Wow, that is crap," to my prior view of these verses.

So I hope that as you move through this week, this week of new beginnings, you stop to think about how you can live out this Commission. But just remember that when you feel afraid or overwhelmed, that God is with you, to the end of this age.

My 50 Things

I saw this on Dianna's blog and really liked it, so I'm going to do my own. If any of these surprised you, I would encourage you to comment. Actually, I'd encourage you to comment regardless.

1. I'm a Theology & Philosophy major with music minor at USF.

2. I have no idea why I'm getting a music minor. Seriously no clue.

3. I often make inflammatory comments regarding my talent as a musician, physical appearance, and intelligence to test what people really think about me.

4. I want to stop, but it has kind of become a reflex.

5. I really enjoy a glass of wine and a cigar from time to time.

6. I know in my heart that I've been called to the ministry, but I doubt my call and the notion that God has a purpose for me about 25% of the time.

7. He always provides me with reasons I'm wrong. (Watch out for a blog about these two notions)

8. I took a course in Philosophy last semester and the world really makes a lot more sense.

9. I don't think I can lie about my job when someone asks me on a plane, but worry about getting to know the "real" someone because people have a tendency to play the role of piety around clergy.

10. I want to do, and probably will this summer, exegesis on 1 Corinthians 7:8, although my pastor/mentor told me not to make relationship decisions based on this verse.

11. I sometimes worry if I'll ever find/keep a girlfriend/wife.

12. I probably worry about it because I'm at USF where the terms "Mrs. Degree" and "Ring by spring" are used all the time; Also because I'm consistently around people in serious relationships and engaged couples.

13. Although it is late October, I'm listening to Josh Groban's Noël album.

14. When I study the Bible, I really enjoy manuscripting and have acquired a Bible from my church for this reason.

15. I started manuscripting a different Bible, but I messed up a few chapters of Job and my
Type-A personality and mild OCD forced me to start over. (That wasn't the only reason, though. I was using the TNIV translation and missed NRSV.)

16. I've recently learned that it's okay to be an introvert.
17. Although I know I'm an introvert and it's okay, I often struggle with feeling guilty about taking the alone time that I so desperately need for my own sanity.

18. I have no clue how to say "no." I can say that I'm not going to do something one day, and turn in my application to do it the next. Disgusting.

19. I actually said "no" to someone the other day. It was a proud moment for me. Not a proud enough moment to change the opening of #18.

20. I work with an after-school program. I love my job. I got paid to play football the other day. How could my job rock even more?

21. My boss likes to make silly rhymes using my name and something that she needs to tell me. I try to do it back to her, but her name doesn't rhyme with anything.

22. I'm a volunteer youth group leader at Southern Hills United Methodist Church.

23. I'm currently working with a girl named Jill; we co-lead a high school youth group that makes me smile every day.

24. Of my 680 Facebook friends, I communicate with about 45 on a regular basis.

25. I'm currently Facebook engaged to a girl to pull a prank on her aunt.

26. Watching people react to the engagement was really funny.

26. I seriously contemplate getting rid of Facebook.

27. I've been single since February of this year. Sometimes I get lonely, but other times I'm perfectly content.

28. Three of my ex-girlfriends are married; one is in a very serious relationship. One of them has a kid and supposedly another on the way. This makes me feel really old.

29. When someone says, "You're as old as you feel," often my response is "I'm 90."

30. My self-esteem is very flaky. Some days it's there, other days it's gone.

31. I have no clue where my self-esteem has gone. It used to be there.

32. I have two aunts that teach English—one at a high school level, the other used to teach at a college in Kentucky. As a result, I am mindful of my grammar and correct errors while speaking.

33. I really enjoy when people get on their high horse about their grammar and then make mistakes without correcting them.

34. I’m adopted.

35. I was born in Sioux Falls to a young lady and her boyfriend, who was not my father.

36. I now work of Lutheran Social Services, the agency that I was adopted through.

37. If I ever get married, I plan on adopting.

38. I would someday like to meet my birth mother to thank her for making tough decisions so that I might live.

39. I feel like a boring person because finding 50 things about myself is quite daunting.

40. I'm currently living in a dorm but am seeking off-campus options.

41. Because I'm at the church I serve at six out of seven days per week, I'm looking at something equidistant from USF to the church.

42. Silence makes me feel really uncomfortable; thus, I often say that I "don't believe in silence."

43. Halloween is this week. I have absolutely no plans to celebrate this mother of all non-holidays.

44. I was thinking about borrowing one of my pastor's robes (because it makes him look like Friar Tuck) but I can't decide if that would be considered sacrilegious...

45. One word that I consistently misspell: defininately (which should be spelled "definitely")

46. I'm a bit of a txt-aholic.

47. As a result, I have unlimited txt across all networks.

48. I write my blog posts in Microsoft Word and paste them over so I can check spelling and grammar.

49. I often go to bed mad at myself because the day was not productive enough.

50. This was a really hard exericse but a pretty neat thing.

My Father's Child

I went home last weekend to hunt pheasants with my family after the Madrigal Retreat. (I got home on Saturday night for Pheasant Pheast at my Uncle Mark's cabin). It was a really great time to just relax and reconnect with family that I hadn't seen since July and non-family-family (those people that are close like family but not blood related; I'm sure I know what you mean.) that I had hadn't seen in a few years. I had to catch some of them up on my transfer from Northern State to University of Sioux Falls, from music major to theology major. (It's been an interesting last few years of life.) It was really relaxing and everything, but I noticed some stuff about myself that scares me.

I've come to the realization that I am my father's child, which has positves and negatives.) As I mentioned before, I arrived home on Saturday evening (too late to hunt but in time to have supper with my family and enjoy good wine and good company). But Sunday morning, after working for a little bit, I ended up hunting with my uncles and cousins. My dad, however, chose to combine corn because it was dry enough and it was forecast to--and did--rain that week. The first realization I came to was I've inherited my dad's inability to relax. I was talking with my cousins during Pheasant Pheast and really having a good time, but in the back of my mind was the homework and Midterm exams. I found out the next day that my dad was uneasy and tense all day Saturday because he was thinking about the work he had left to do. I still have that issue. Right now, I'm sitting here with minimal homework left to do for Wednesday (as it is Fall Break), a plan for research and a goal in mind for tomorrow's research time at the seminary and USF Library (and Augie...if I have to.)... And I'm still twitching... there's manuscripting of my own I can do, Disciple Bible Study workbook to do.. but I'm just blogging and watching Shawshank Redemption (great movie. Watch it if you haven't.)

I know it's really important to take a break (especially for my sanity as a radical introvert.), but I feel guilty not doing something productive. I am my father's child.

One of the positives I've noticed is a lack of procrastination, on the whole. Yes, I do have my moments, because I'm human and am trying to fight becoming my father, but by in large, I have my work done. For example, I'm on Fall Break. Yesterday morning, my internal clock went off at seven, and I woke up. I knew that I would be working at our church's Pumpkin Patch for a good four hours and I would have a lot of time to do something else. So, I took all my syllabi and a sheet of paper and wrote down everything that I needed to do to be prepared for classes on Wednesday. Then I went to the church, got my self situated at a table near the door, and went to work. Bam, homework done. I feel great about it and know that that was the influence of my father. I am my father's child.

So it's both a blessing and a curse to be turning into him. Still scares me. A lot.

My Insane Lifestyle

So, here's the deal. I'm busy. Holy crap am I busy. I know, I know--there are some out there far busier than me, but this is my blog, so that's what I'm going to talk about. (Rather than just doing what I have to do--yes, I see the irony. Thanks.)
So, classes started on September 3rd, after a decent summer, and wonderful weekend at the LifeLight music festival. I somehow arranged my schedule so that I go to class on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays from 8-3:15 without a break. This a blessing and a curse. The blessing is that I don't have class on Tuesday & Thursday until Concert Chorale at 2--which I leave fifteen minutes early from. The curse is that I assume that I have time to "relax" on Monday nights and Tuesday & Thursday mornings. This has also meant that I felt like I could "tack on" extra things into my scheduling--like mentoring and having a social life. But the issue is--as USF students past & present will sympathize with-- I'm taking Greek. Greek requires about two hours of class prep time which includes reading the Grammar and doing the workbook, and memorizing vocab & paradigms. As the syllabus for this course says, "to know Greek, you must incorporate Greek into your life (togas optional.)"
I'm also taking two classes--Old Testament Wisdom Literature & Foundations of Professional Ministries--that between them are asking for in-class readings in addition to 20 hours of "Collateral Reading." However, these readings are validating, educational, and I'm really glad I'm doing them. The issue is making time to get it all done and still maintain some time with friends. I feel like a horrible person when I get "I miss you" texts and phone calls...
And I am again in Concert Chorale & Singing Camerata, which is another battle within itself- suffice it to say that I'm considering a semester without choirs because--and I'm ashamed to say this, but--I'm not a nice person in choir. I fall into the music major mentality where we're all vying for solos, performance groups, and excellence. Anyway, that's a different story for a different post. It's pretty busy in choir, especially with this being Homecoming week. We did Chapel on Tuesday, an Alumni Banquet last night, and I will be going to rehearsal in an hour with an Alumni Choir, singing the National Anthem at the Football Game, going to another rehearsal with the Alumni Choir, and then performing at the Variety Show. Also, with this being Homecoming, the Wind Ensemble and Concert Chorale will be performing (yes, performing. Not leading worship, but being on display.) at First Baptist for USF Sunday. In which, I'm sure, I'll have to painstakingly sit through another Dr. Benedetto speech about how awesome our football team is (which is true, but really annoying). This isn't so bad until you factor in that I'm responsible for playing and moving the percussion between the two worship sites at First B, singing in the choir, playing djembe on a processional in the choir, and not destroying every fifth person that tells me to "relax" or "hurry up." (In the midst of all of this, I have to find time to do all my homework and start another history paper... oh and do laundry.)
I can't tell you the number of "So, when are you going to sleep?" talks I've had with friends over the last month, but I'm now committed until December. So I guess the only thing to do is just rely on God to bring me through this. Pray for me. I'll need it.
Hope this post finds you all doing well. I'm praying for you all.

Current Mood: Hopeful
Current Song: "Jesus, You Are" performed by the Christ Tabernacle
Photo Credit: Thomas Christiansen, my former roommate and photographer extraordinare.

My Morning Off

So, I'm currently sitting down in Java City--my old place of employment--spending my morning catching up on the news I haven't been watching, the National League race (By the way, the Cubs are 5 games ahead of the Brewers, and it's almost September. Could this be the year the Cubs break the curse and actually pose a threat down the homestretch and in the post-season? I hope so.), and checking the weather to see what kind of day at work it will be. It's been overcast since I woke up; I don't think it's going to rain, but this is South Dakota. I still have a few hours before I go to work, so I decided to update this blog.
Well, the last few days have been pretty routine. Work is finally settling down. I’m getting used to the job more and more each day. And the kids are getting a lot more comfortable with me around. The presence of the big hairy guy doesn’t really bother the tykes anymore. I’ve also learned about 50% of the 86 new names I need to learn. At this point, if I know a kid’s last name, it’s because he or she has given me reason to know it. I got the typical “Hey, are you still alive?” phone call from my parents. When one’s life is as boring as mine is right now, there’s really no reason to call home and say, “I did nothing real productive all morning and then went to work.” every few days. Seriously. Could my life be any less productive right now?
I spent a major portion of this morning reading blogs. I was checking the weather on KeloLand and stumbled onto the blogs of Doug Lund & Steve Hemmingsen--former news anchors for KeloLand news. They spend their retired life traveling, playing golf, and blogging about the world. It's quite humerous. I'll probably continue reading. Apparently Doug Lund is on the Atkin's Diet. He remarks, "Next to sanctification by grace, fresh-from-the-field sweet corn is God’s greatest gift to mankind."

Well, classes start in nine days. Yes, I’m a student who counts down the days until classes start. Don’t judge me. I ordered my books online and ended up saving a good amount of money. Over the next week, they'll slowly roll in. This will be exciting. (Again, don't judge me.) Then life will get a bit more interesting—maybe even stressful. Probably stressful, but I’m okay with it. I’ve used all the free time I have in the mornings to teach myself how to chord on the piano. My church is starting another worship service soon, and I’ve been asked to play keyboards for worship. I’m pretty excited. Learning new things has always been a part of my life and stretching my comfort zone really doesn’t hurt anymore. This should be a fun new adventure. This really gives me a chance to get comfortable speaking in front of crowds, (Yes, give me a song to sing in front of a large crowd, I’m fine. Ask me to speak? I’ll probably laugh at you.) which is important for the field I’m heading into. It’ll probably be important to speak in public well as a pastor. Also, this will give me a chance to share theological thoughts with large groups to see if my education is really paying off. I think it is, personally, but what do I know as I’m heading into my second year of formal theological training. I didn’t construct any giant heresies last year, so let’s hope I’m on the right path.

So, anyway, that’s pretty much the excitement of my life right now. Hopefully life will pick up pace here soon.

Current Mood: Bored. Yeah, bored.

Current Music: "Waiting for the World to Change." Oh irony. I didn't pick the song; it's playing over on the Java City CD player.

My Random Meeting

So, tonight, I got off work at Southern Hills and had to be back at the church for praise band practice in an hour. (During the semester, this time will be spent doing homework for sure.) So, I left for awhile in search of a Taco Bell on the east side of town (the Frutista Freeze beverage sounds amazing. If anyone knows where a Taco Bell is on Sycamore Ave. or east, please hook me up. I'm still pretty clueless about Sioux Falls; don't judge me.) I gave up and settled for the Kum & Go next to the huge brick building that is Washington High School (Seriously, the thing is gigantic.)
I go in, grab my supper, and then I met a lady named Renee. The store wasn't very busy, and the cash register had been fighting with Renee all day long. So, I had time to talk, or listen rather.
Renee is a mom of four, a full time employee at Kum & Go, and a computer-challenged college student. All four of her daughters went through college. And now, she figured it was her turn.
Now, let me explain a bit about me. I really like non-traditional students. I think their stories from how they got from where they were to where they are are pretty great. For example, a story from my one excellent year at Northern State University. At Spring Commencement, a mother and a daughter graduated from college together. I think that's really cool.
So, I digress. Renee's story is really cool. And she is a really neat lady--judging from the ten minutes we spent together. So I find myself wanting to cover her in prayer. It cannot be easy to be a full-time employee and a college student. I mean, I had a hard time being a part-time employee and a college student last semester. (Oh Intro to Philosophy... why did you haunt me so?)
If you get a chance as classes gear up to start for another semester, take some time to pray for students going back, students going for the first time, the mothers who will cry when their son or daugther leaves, and non-trads trying to make it happen.

Current mood: Sleepy, reflective, thankful
Current music: "God of Wonders" by Third Day

My Change of Plans

So, as of my last post, I was going to be returning to Sioux Falls a day early to work at Java City organizing stuff, working behind the counter while Linda & Jenn prepared, delivered, and tore down catered events.
Well...
A major change of plans occurred. First, a little background what went down. Since I started coming to USF, I have been faithfully attending Southern Hills United Methodist Church--serving with their music ministry & youth ministry. The pastor there is named Steve Ziebarth. Steve used to be a pastor in Gregory and was responsible for my baptism.
So, a major change of plans, like I said. I was out in a hayfield on Friday, August 8, minding my own business cutting alfalfa and singing along to the radio (Kool 98.3--Classic Rock). When all of a sudden, my phone rings. It's Steve. Awesome. I hadn't talked to him all summer and was very excited to catch up with him. We exchange pleasantries and he says, "So, are you looking for a job?" And I said, "Well, I'm employed at the coffee shop but wouldn't object to a change." He went on to explain that the after-school program was pretty short staffed, especially in the male department. We talked on a little longer, and I bit. He gave me a number of current boss. Through several phone calls, I end up with an interview on the following Tuesday (the 12th.) Pretty cool. So, I go this interview and am really excited for what the job entails. Hanging out with kids, sharing faith if a child asks, pretty cool stuff.
After the interview, I have a job starting on Monday, August 18th. Time to go quit my job at the coffee house. The only crappy thing is that two kids quit the day before--not really my problem, but I did feel bad. But Jenn was really cool with it, as was Linda. Thanks to them, if they happen to stumble upon this. Next on my list was finding Residence Life staff so I could possibly line things up to move into Sullivan Hall a full two and a half weeks early. God is good, my friends. Everyone was in place for this to go smoothly. Excellence.
This new job is a lot more rewarding than the coffeehouse I used to work at. It's only been two days, but I sincerely feel that I can make a difference in these kids' lives as they get to know me and I get to know them. But anyway, this job is seriously awesome. Granted, there were moments I did play "bartender" at Java City and had many great conversations across the counter with good friends; I feel like I'm making more of a difference for the Kingdom of God serving in this after-school program. And the fact that I got to move to Sioux Falls early is a definite plus.
However, I'm a little concerned right now. This job is going well, my roommate is awesome, things are excellent... But I never really dealt with the issue I raised in my last post--My Struggle. Applying the C.S. Lewis of Christian love to contentment certainly did work. After I discovered this train of thought and continued to read Mere Christianity, summer definitely ended really well. The weeks of being absent from updating were because wheat and oat harvest came. (Things didn't go really well--I broke a grain truck. Bent the frame pretty badly. Not good.) But I still feel like I didn't really find true contentment. Perhaps it is indeed just an "age thing." Time will tell. To quote the band Go Fish talking about God's perspective versus ours, "You see the whole parade." God knows and has a plan. I just have to trust. In time, I'll know the purpose for this summer.
But for now, I'm just thankful. God is really pushing me out of my comfort zone with this one, and I love every minute of it as this change of plans unfolds.

Current Mood: A bit sleepy and very thankful.
Current Music: "How Great is Our God" by Chris Tomlin. Amen, right?

My Struggle

I've been struggling lately with the idea of "contentment" in my circumstances. Here's the deal. I'm on the farm outside of Gregory for the summer. (For those who don't know where that is--which I'm guessing is a bunch-- I'm out in the middle of nowhere. I've moved from the largest city in the state being surrounded by people all the time with every social thing at my fingertips to Gregory.. yah..) I spend so much time alone and honestly feel awkward around people now. It's bizarre. Anyway.. I'm pretty much cut off from everything that I enjoyed about Sioux Falls--an active church, thriving youth group, friends, etc. I rather spend most of my days like the picture shows: in the tractor cutting alfalfa hay or doing various other jobs on the farm.
Here's the wrench- I've been reading Philippians for the last few days. Let's just examine where Paul is while writing this epistle. He is in prison, chained to a member of the Praetorian Guard. But yet, he still says in Philippians 4:4 (NIV), "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice." And later in Philippians 4 at verse eleven, he says "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." Simple fact: My situation doesn't even come close to what Paul was facing, and yet Paul can rejoice in the Lord and be content. But yet I cannot find "contentment." I earnestly try, but typically end the day counting the days until I return to Sioux Falls. As I've discussed this with people, I keep hearing "Your feelings are totally a normal part of growing up." I don't think it's normal to be this annoyed and discontent. But what do I know. I keep praying that God would give me patience and grace as I deal with this. Fortunately, God is gracious and in time this will pass.
As I was thinking about this today (because, again, I spend most of my time alone with nothing to do but self-analyze), I started thinking about what C.S. Lewis proposed in Mere Christianity in regards to loving your neighbor even when you really don't want to. He says on page 131 of this great read, "The rule for all of us is perfectly simple. Do not waste your time bothering whether you 'love' your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the greatest secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him." So, if I behave as if I am content, I will presently come to be? This is just a thought and a strategy I'm going to try over the next few weeks. If anyone has a thought on this, please comment. I'm really struggling with this.
God bless you all.

My First Post

People who know me know that I am mildly (or maybe "highly") addicted to the show Scrubs. Thus, I don't think it would be right if I started this new blog out without a Scrubs reference.

There comes a point in Season 4 of Scrubs where the lead character, Dr. John Dorian, played by Zach Braff, begins using a tape recorder. This monologue ensues:
J.D.'s Thoughts: I love my new tape recorder. Not only is it a time-saver, I can record my every thought.
J.D.: [into recorder] I like toast.
J.D.'s Thoughts: They aren't all winners...

This is a promise I make to you, my readers, that this won't be full of winners.