I've been struggling lately with the idea of "contentment" in my circumstances. Here's the deal. I'm on the farm outside of Gregory for the summer. (For those who don't know where that is--which I'm guessing is a bunch-- I'm out in the middle of nowhere. I've moved from the largest city in the state being surrounded by people all the time with every social thing at my fingertips to Gregory.. yah..) I spend so much time alone and honestly feel awkward around people now. It's bizarre. Anyway.. I'm pretty much cut off from everything that I enjoyed about Sioux Falls--an active church, thriving youth group, friends, etc. I rather spend most of my days like the picture shows: in the tractor cutting alfalfa hay or doing various other jobs on the farm.
Here's the wrench- I've been reading Philippians for the last few days. Let's just examine where Paul is while writing this epistle. He is in prison, chained to a member of the Praetorian Guard. But yet, he still says in Philippians 4:4 (NIV), "Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: rejoice." And later in Philippians 4 at verse eleven, he says "I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances." Simple fact: My situation doesn't even come close to what Paul was facing, and yet Paul can rejoice in the Lord and be content. But yet I cannot find "contentment." I earnestly try, but typically end the day counting the days until I return to Sioux Falls. As I've discussed this with people, I keep hearing "Your feelings are totally a normal part of growing up." I don't think it's normal to be this annoyed and discontent. But what do I know. I keep praying that God would give me patience and grace as I deal with this. Fortunately, God is gracious and in time this will pass.
As I was thinking about this today (because, again, I spend most of my time alone with nothing to do but self-analyze), I started thinking about what C.S. Lewis proposed in Mere Christianity in regards to loving your neighbor even when you really don't want to. He says on page 131 of this great read, "The rule for all of us is perfectly simple. Do not waste your time bothering whether you 'love' your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the greatest secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him." So, if I behave as if I am content, I will presently come to be? This is just a thought and a strategy I'm going to try over the next few weeks. If anyone has a thought on this, please comment. I'm really struggling with this.
God bless you all.
